It’s Not About The Baby Bumps

I hated pregnancy. What you’ve been told is not exactly what happens. Well, not everyone has the same experience, so I can’t generalize. You know that saying, “The process is hard but the result is beautiful”?

How exactly do I present that in real life?

Preg-nan-cy!

Except for the small joy of bullying my husband into getting me what I wanted, it wasn’t exactly a bed of roses. To be honest, I didn’t even have the strength to disturb him that much.

My First Trimester Was Brutal

Let’s start with the mood swings. I would just start crying for no reason or feel down out of nowhere. It wasn’t easy.

The first three months, I wasn’t eating at all. I had untreated malaria before I got pregnant, so it felt like double punishment. At one point, I could only bathe with hot water. I couldn’t eat bananas, and I vomited up everything I managed to eat

Nollywood Lied to Us All 😂

I hope no one still believes that’s how you know someone is pregnant — the girl sitting with family suddenly feels like vomiting, tries twice, and on the third attempt, runs to the bathroom.
Please. Mine didn’t even show until about eight months in!

That nausea? It was intense. If I managed to eat, I couldn’t keep the food down. I couldn’t stand the smell of our bathing soap, or any other soap. I had to bathe without soap until I discovered I could tolerate Dettol antiseptic.

I even told my husband to stop using creams. At one point, I was feeling lost, just annoyed, and for no reason. I started to doubt our choice to have a baby. When I mentioned it to my husband… he didn’t take it well.

I Experienced Pain in Places I Didn’t Know Could Hurt, And Endured A Lot

Any time I stepped out, I got tired quickly and needed to rest. The moment I lay down for two minutes, ligament pain would start between my thighs — so bad, sometimes I couldn’t walk.

And then there’s sleeping. What the hell is a pregnancy pillow? I only found out how snug and comfy it was after I gave birth. My husband used it more than I did during pregnancy. That thing was so uncomfortable.

I missed sleeping on my tummy. I couldn’t sleep comfortably on my sides, and experts kept saying “Don’t sleep on your back,” even though that was the only comfortable position for me.

Then came the constant need to pee. There was a time I seriously considered sitting up in bed to wee because I was tired of going to the bathroom, and the pee wouldn’t even be much! I may start considering a wee bag next time.

The Skin Drama + Hemorrhoids

I didn’t get stretch marks, but my tummy was shiny with that dark line in the middle. Then the line extended across my body, dividing my skin into two shades — light and dark. Sigh.

Then the hemorrhoids came. I had to be careful while pooping — no straining, and I drank a lot of water. (No big effort there — my thirst level increased by like 4x.) And with that came the need to drink only cold water. Some days I was chewing ice blocks, even though I have tooth sensitivity. Funny thing is, the tooth sensitivity didn’t show until after I gave birth and tried drinking cold water again. Bro…

Swollen Feet

And let’s not forget the swollen feet. The moment I walked anywhere, my feet would swell. People would see them and say, “You need to keep active.”
Umm, that’s exactly what swells my feet. If I stay at home, I’m fine. The moment I step out — even if it’s just down the street — boom, swelling.

I Finally Get Why Mothers Say “I Carried You for Nine Months”

Pregnancy is not fun.
That’s why I now understand that phrase: “I carried you for nine months.”

Like yes, my egg has been fertilized — can we please skip to the part where I just deliver the baby

Speaking of the warrior, I got kicked everywhere — ribs, stomach, bladder, colon. It wasn’t funny. I was constantly uncomfortable and tired. Honestly, if I had a demanding husband, I don’t think I would’ve survived.

Okay, Okay… There Were a Few Small Wins

The few wins of pregnancy?

• Feeling your baby move
  
• Getting what you want
  
• And those little moments where people put you first because they don’t want to stress you, like when the bank attends to you faster, someone pays your transport, or gives up their seat for you
  

Still Not Enough to Make Me Like Pregnancy

But still…
It’s not enough to make me like pregnancy.