So many people have opinions on things that honestly don’t need opinions. As mothers, we’re often made to feel guilty about choices that simply reflect us doing our best. Many of us are overwhelmed and unsupported, and that loneliness can be crushing. Here are six things I believe should be normalized in motherhood, because we deserve better.

1. Not Letting Everyone Hold Your Baby

In Nigeria, we love extended family — even the ones we’d rather avoid. You’re expected to welcome everyone with a smile, even when you’re tired and just want to rest. But truly, not everyone needs to carry your baby. You’re allowed to say no.

Just because someone visits doesn’t mean they must hold the baby. Even if you’re giving hints — ignoring their request, moving the baby away, making them repeat themselves three times, they’ll still act like you’re the rude one if you finally say no directly. But it’s okay to set boundaries. People should wait for an invitation before visiting a new mom. That early stage is not the time for uninvited guests.

2. Mothers Deserve Real Rest

We need rest, real rest. Dealing with a newborn, especially one that cries a lot, is exhausting. When they cry, it feels like a personal failure. It’s powerful enough to stop you in your tracks. That’s why even an hour of alone time can help reset our energy and mood.

Let’s be real: aside from caring for the baby, we’re managing the home too. I’m a mom of one, and it’s hard. What about mothers with toddlers? One hour isn’t even enough. The more kids you have, the more rest you need — and you shouldn’t feel guilty about it.

3. Partners Should Show Up Too

Husbands and partners, if you don’t want slippers flying your way in the morning, get up and help. We had this child together. It’s unfair that only one person sleeps at night while the other gets up repeatedly. Consider shifts, especially if both of you work. If she’s a stay-at-home mom, still acknowledge her sleepless nights.

Don’t wait for her to burn out. If shifts are too much, at least handle breakfast (if it’s too much, invest in cornflakes and milk; how hard could it be?), take care of the older kids, or give her time to breathe. It makes a big difference.

4. You Still Deserve Romance

Go on dates! Hand the baby over to a trusted relative or sitter (with clear instructions), dress up, look good, smell good, and go out. No baby talk allowed. Talk about how you both feel and reconnect. This helps release tension, boost your mood, and build intimacy with your partner.

Warning: This is not an excuse to make another baby! I’m watching you.

5. Respect Mothers Who Choose to Stay In: Personal Shoppers Should Become A Thing

Some of us don’t want to take our babies out or have them seen until they’re one. That’s okay! I’m one of those moms. That’s why we need personal shoppers — hand them your list and payment, and let them help.

I don’t want a live-in maid, but a trusted person (often a relative) who can run errands occasionally? That’s a lifesaver. My sisters and my husband’s cousins stepped in for me, making time out of their busy schedules to help — and I’m deeply grateful.

6. Stop Shaming Formula Feeding and Own It

At the health centre, I once saw a huge baby. The mom said she was three months old and on exclusive breastfeeding. I had to take a deep breath — not because it’s wrong, but because this conversation often comes with judgment.

I know of a nurse who preaches exclusive breastfeeding but used formula for her own child. Let’s stop the hypocrisy. Formula feeding is valid. Pumped breastmilk in a bottle is valid. You’re still feeding your child, and that’s what matters.

Pumping gives you freedom, lets you measure how much your baby is eating, and avoids those tiring back-to-back breastfeeding sessions. If it works for you, own it guilt-free.

Let’s Talk About Postpartum Depression

Nigerians are the most optimistic people I know. But we don’t talk about postpartum depression. In fact, most don’t even believe in it. But it’s real.

As a new mom, it’s a huge shift. You’re constantly worried; is my baby breathing right? Are they feeding well? Are they gaining weight? And yet, society treats this anxiety like weakness. It’s not. It’s part of learning to be a mother.

Depression often sets in when we feel alone. When it becomes too much to handle, we cry, and if crying helps, please cry. You don’t automatically become good at motherhood. You learn and grow into it. You’ve lived your life independently, and now you have a whole human depending on you. That’s no small thing. But people treat it like it’s typical, while it’s not.

Mama, You’re Doing Amazing

It should be normal to pat yourself on the back. Superman has nothing on you. You’re caring for your baby, the home, the other kids, and your partner, and you’re still pushing through.

But don’t forget yourself. Everything we’ve talked about should remind you to prioritise your well-being. Your baby needs a happy, healthy mom. That joy flows to everyone else in the family too.

So Mama, take that break. Ask for help. Set boundaries. And celebrate every milestone, yours and your baby’s. You’re doing just fine.